I like to challenge myself, and this year, I promised to open up more about my work through my blog. Maybe I read too many articles on vulnerability (Thanks, Brene Brown), but honestly, I think it is because I want more true connections.

One of the questions I get asked most frequently is, ‘Why do you like painting so much?’ It is one of the hardest to answer. It is mainly because it is not the painting I like but the creativity. So, why do I like creating so much?

At the age of three, I started creating art by using my imagination to help me escape the dysfunction and chaos of the family I was born into. I realized at this young age I could get attention for making things, so I did. It was like creating was my superpower, and I used it every chance I could. It was how I got what I needed and how I survived.

Creating to me was like breathing; it just happened naturally. I couldn’t help it. Growing up, I never thought much about why I felt this almost possessed need to produce art. All I knew was that it was inside me, and I HAD to do it. I didn’t think I could make a career out of it, but…Remember those superpowers I mentioned? One of the gifts of growing up in a dysfunctional family was that I was resilient AF. My way of growing up taught me tenacity. I used this tenacity to fuel me through life and, eventually, my creative career. I successfully navigated using my creative capacity and made it into a viable career. Yay me!

Everything goes away when I am in the zone, in the flow of it. It feels magical. It centers me. It grounds me. It moves me layer by layer into worlds unknown, and I LOVE it. The best part? If I don’t like it, I can just redo it. I wish this was true of life, ha.

Throughout my life, I have had to sort through a lot of trauma, but I found a safe space in creating early in my life which has been my saving grace. Even when lousy art is bleeding out of me, I still show up for it. Turnquit and all. It is my grounding, safe space, and how I know how to connect.
I am an artist. I express. I am meant to do that in this life, so I do it. I spill life’s tragedies, beauties, grittiness, and guts onto sets, canvases, and pages. Creating says I am here. I lived this. I am this.

In a world filled with dysfunction and chaos, it is how I learned to connect with people. People like you. When you engage with what I have made, even if it is just a “like,” it connects me to you. It means I have been seen by you. It means I have seen you too. It says we are both here. We both have lived this. If we can see each other in this messy life, it means we get to see the beauty of each other too.

If you want to listen to a great talk on vulnerability, check out Brene Brown’s Ted talk. Let me know what you think in the comments below.